Destiny's Sleight of Hand
by everlovingdeer
Summary: Lupin cleared his throat, making me look back to him. "Well, what's got you so worried?" I hesitated for a long moment, not knowing what to say. My first instinct was to declare in annoyance that he knew exactly what was bothering me. But I didn't say that. Instead, I lowered my eyes to my book and murmured, "There's just something that I can't get my head around."
1. Destiny's Sleight of Hand

Never had I expected to ever become acquainted with the Forbidden Forest that surrounded the castle. It had been labelled as forbidden for a reason and even if it made my housemates think of me as a coward, I didn't care. Salazar, there were enough chances to get myself killed in this castle by a one of the suits of armour deciding to come alive at a moment's notice. So really, what was the need for me to head to the forest? I was _never_ going to intentionally step foot into that forest.

But it was funny how things worked out. The moment I opened my eyes, I found myself standing in a small clearing, surrounded by trees. And Salazar, the shiver that ran down my spine told me that I was in the Forbidden Forest. I had become all too familiar with this particular clearing. Letting out a deep breath to steady my nerves, I reached into my robe pocket and pulled my wand out from my pocket.

Casting a lumos to guide my way, I shot an annoyed glance at the starlight sky. Why was it always night-time? As if this place wasn't creepy enough anyway.

Using my wand to light the way, I walked with cautious steps towards the edge of the forest. The first time I had probably spent almost two hours trying to navigate my way round but now I was certain that I could tell the trees apart. But that was probably my sleep addled mind playing up on me. Regardless of whether I was currently sleep deprived or not, it took just under ten minutes for me to reach the edge of the forest. All it would take was a few more steps and then I'd be out of this forest and back to safety.

Except I couldn't seem to bring myself to take those necessary steps. Instead there was something inside of me telling me that I _had_ to turn back, to head back to that clearing – I _needed_ to. Because if I didn't I'd miss something - someone.

Without any conscious intention to, I turned on my feet and as if the route was already laid out in my head, I allowed my feet to lead me to my destination. Holding my wand in front of me, my steps slowed gradually as I saw the light coming from another wand. I stood a good distance away from the other wizard, unable to make out any of his features apart from his lanky frame and his head of sandy brown hair.

He hesitated at the sight of me, and I did the same unsure of what to do. Once again, my feet carried me forward because _Salazar_ , I was going to see his face today! But just as he always did, he retreated from me. For each step I took towards him, he took two steps backwards all whilst keeping his eyes on me. I contemplated running towards him, wanting to take the risk and perhaps I would have if he hadn't suddenly sprung towards me.

Shooting off into a dead run, the unknown wizard rushed towards me and the sudden movement had me rooted to my spot. It was his change in mind and the deep, heart wrenched "NO!" that he screamed that told me that something was very _very_ wrong. I doubted that a full second had passed before I was suddenly hit by a spell in the middle of my back.

The impact of the spell had my breath stuttering in my throat. Instinctively I tried to take in a deep breath only to begin choking –

Blood. I could taste _blood_.

Pressing a shaking hand to where I'd been hit, my eyes widened fearfully when it came back wet, painted a horrifying red. My legs crumbled under me and I tried to keep my eyes open, but they were growing just too heavy. I fought against it, struggling to decide what was more important; keeping my eyes open or trying to lift the weight that had just settled onto my lungs. Merlin, I wanted to breath, I needed to breath but each passing breath grew more and more difficult.

The sound of rapidly approaching footsteps had me trying to force my eyes open to look into the face of the wizard that was running towards me. As he drew closer, the white noise that filled my ears dissipated and I tuned into the sounds of the desperate, horrified apologies that were spilling from his throat. I wanted to ask him why he was apologising when he wasn't the one to cast the spell, but I could barely part my mouth to take in a breath. He crouched beside me, begging me to keep my eyes open even as they fluttered shut. Each breath grew more stuttered, using up more energy –

I bolted up with a wild gasp, looking around my dorm room as I took deep gasping breaths to try and calm myself. Trying to push my hair out of my face, I grimaced; at some point I'd broken into a cold sweat that left my hair matted against my forehead.

It was fine. _I_ was fine; I was alive and breathing. I didn't die. I was still here. Safe, tucked away in the Slytherin dungeon. Safe.

Once I'd managed to get my breathing back under control, my hand drifted instantly to my back where I'd been hit. It came back clear, without blood and of course it would. Because it hadn't been real. Letting out a deep sigh, I smiled apologetically as I looked to the girl who occupied the bed beside mine. Stacey had always been a light sleeper and as she left her bed to come and sit on the edge of mine, I felt guilty for waking her again.

She leaned towards me, hugging me comfortingly, rubbing my back soothingly. If she saw the way I stiffened every time her hand brushed against the place where I'd been hit, she didn't say anything. Instead she waited a moment longer before pulling reluctantly away from me.

"Nightmares again?" she asked gently. I nodded, looking down at my hands when Stacey sighed. "That's the fifth one in the last fortnight."

I just nodded, trying to calm my heartrate which started to rise again at even the memory of the previous nightmares. Salazar, just seeing that boy's face even once would be enough to get rid of the bad memories. Was it so bad that I wanted to know who he was? Especially when even just the thought of him managed to comfort me so much more than Stacey's attempts ever had?

* * *

From the moment these nightmares had begun, it was almost impossible for me to try to concentrate on my lessons and considering that I was in my final year, that was especially problematic. Salazar, I needed to figure out a way to stop these nightmares. I'd even contemplated going onto the dreamless sleep potion, but would that deal with the underlying cause? Once I'd come off the potion, the nightmares would just start up again. The first thing I needed to do was figure out just what was causing the nightmares.

Coming out of my thoughts with a shake of my head, I tried to listen to my Arithmancy professor as we were taught about some conversion chart or another. But it didn't last long. My thoughts drifted like I knew they would and suddenly they were revolving around the dream I had come out of last night.

Merlin, I had been _so_ close to seeing his face. I had been walking through the forest yet again during a moonlight night. But I didn't find myself standing at the centre of the forest in a clearing. Instead, I was standing _just_ on the edge of the forest and it would be so very easy for me to step out of the forest.

 _I was so incredibly curious to see what would happen if I took the final step and left the forest. Each of the nightmares had seemed to take place in this forest and if I left it, would I leave the nightmare too? Was that how it worked? Regardless of that, there was something else keeping me rooted to my position. This time there was no compulsion for me to turn back to find the mystery wizard, my body wasn't acting on autopilot either. But I turned around anyway._

 _Walking slowly through the forest, I clutched my wand tightly at my side just in case another spell cast by some unknown wizard approached me. Looking around the forest, I flinched when a sudden spell was shot towards me. My reflexes, clearly not what I had anticipated them to be, failed me and I sucked in a deep breath only to let it out slowly when I realised it was only a shielding spell. One that had been cast to surround me completely._

 _Reaching a hand out tentatively, I touched the shielding charm before looking around the forest to find my mystery wizard close enough for me to recognise the Gryffindor tie around his neck, but just far enough for me to be unable to recognise his features. Dropping my hand back to my side, I waited to see what he would do, to see whether he had any intention of approaching me. But clearly, he didn't._

 _I tried to call out of him, but in a heartbeat, he was lifting his wand as if to cast a spell. But he was too late. A single spell, cast by an unknown wizard had managed to pierce his shielding charm, shattering it into a million fragile pieces. My eyes widened as I looked between the wizard and my surroundings, looking for whoever was going to come after me this time._

 _Something struck me suddenly, flinging me away and I found myself on my back. The air was forced out from my lungs as I hit a tree. Collapsing to the floor, I forced myself to sit and sucked in a stuttered breath._

 _When I found the **bastard** that kept doing this to me, I was going to **incinerate them.**_

 _The wizard let out an almighty string of curse words, sprinting towards me. Falling roughly to his knees beside me, he placed gentle hands on my arms and helped me sit up as I leaned back against the tree trunk. I stared into his face, trying to see just who he was but it was useless. The impact of my fall had rendered my vision blurry and I doubted it would fix itself by the time I left this place._

 _Blinking uselessly up at him, I tried futilely to ease my deep breathing, but it was only the realisation that he was trembling that sent a bolt of dread to my stomach. Something must have been **very** wrong to have him so visibly shaken. He leaned towards me, easing my head forward and reaching behind me to press a gentle hand to the back of my hand. I hissed at the instant pain caused by the gentle touch. He let out a stuttered breath that mirrored my own, pulling away from me and instantly my eyes went to his hand. Even though my blurred eyes, the red was unmistakable. _

_He scrambled into action, reaching out to pick his wand up from where it had fallen to the ground. He didn't seem to care that he was bloodying his wand, instead, he leaned in close to me to heal me with a bunch of spells that I hadn't ever heard of before. But it wasn't working. No matter how many different spells he tried, he couldn't seem to calm himself enough to call his magic forward._

 _I tried to tell him that it was alright, that I'd see him later, but I couldn't get the words out. Raising my hand towards him, I placed a steadying hand on his wand arm and lowered it to his side. He resisted at first before realising that he wouldn't be able to help me. My eyes grew heavy, a sensation that I was sadly getting used to, and the last words I heard from him were "I'm sorry, this is all my fault."_

The bell rang suddenly, pulling me forcefully from my thoughts. Gathering myself quickly, I rose to my feet, gathering my things and preparing to leave. Still lost in my thoughts, I gasped quietly in surprise when someone walked straight into me, sending my stuff flying. I kneeled to pick my stuff up, smiling thankfully at the Gryffindor that leaned down to help me.

"Thanks," I murmured quietly, looking up into guarded eyes. "Lupin."

The normally reserved Gryffindor was even more reserved in this class. Of all his friends, Lupin was the only one in N.E.W.T. level Arithmancy and I'd almost forgotten that he was in the class. Which was saying something considering that there were only half a dozen students that took it.

"Sorry," he apologised, handing my bag back to me. "My fault."

He stood to leave just as abruptly as he'd leaned down to help me. He had no idea how those words had made me freeze in place. His voice might not have been as grief struck as it had been last night, those words were only a tiny reflection of those spoken last night but I _knew_ that voice. Salazar, it was him.

I rose quickly to my feet. Something deep inside of me was screaming out to hold onto him and when he turned as if to leave without even looking back at me again, I acted on it. Reaching out to hold onto his arm, I watched as he turned to look at me with surprise that I knew matched my own. The trepidation in his eyes was obvious and as I tried to gather my thoughts, to ask him in a way that wouldn't make me sound crazy, I'd given him enough time to stick his guard back up.

He shrugged out of my hand, apologising as he went. "I need to get back to Gryffindor Tower."

I hung back for a moment, watching as he walked away. Remus _fucking_ Lupin.

* * *

After coming to my rather startling revelation, I had rushed straight to the library and spent over an hour in the bloody place. I plucked every relevant book I could find from the bookshelf and checked each of them out. The librarian had shot me a sceptical glance as I left the library with two towering piles of books floating after me. But didn't the woman understand that I was _desperate?_ Was that not what the two dozen books screamed out to every student that passed me in the hallway?

When I reached the common room, I ignored the curious looks I got from all of the younger students and headed over to one of the lesser used tables in the corner of the room. Settling the books down onto the table, I made myself comfortable and picked the first book from the top of the pile. If none of these proved to be of any use, then I could always owl home to have some sent to me.

I'd gotten through half of the books and found nothing of any use. With a sigh, I rubbed a tired hand over my face before picking up the next book with a sigh.

"Khan?" The quiet call of my surname had me looking up as Stacey approached me cautiously. She looked over the books scattered across the table with a raised eyebrow and sat down in the chair across from me. "What in Merlin's name could you be researching that has you starting your own library?"

"It's just something that's been bothering me for a while," I said with a dismissive wave of my hand. Flicking through the book open in front of me, I turned to the index page and began searching. "I thought it'd be better to find out the answer before it becomes an earwig and drives me mad."

"You're hiding something," she muttered with narrowed eyes. Plucking the book closest to her, Stacey looked over the title with a frown. I watched as she rolled her eyes, setting it aside. Crossing her arms, she leaned back in her chair. "Just where has your newfound adoration of divination sprung from? You dropped that subject as soon as you could."

"It's a load of rubbish," I scoffed, flicking to the right page in the textbook with a frown. "This has nothing to do with divination anyway."

"Nothing to do with divination, she says," she murmured disbelieving, pulling another book towards her. Looking over the front cover with mild curiosity. "Dream analysis? Really?"

I sighed, pulling my hair tie from my wrist. Leaning back to tie my hair away from my face, I met her inquisitive eyes. We'd been best friends from the moment we first stepped into the school together, so she knew that I was hiding something from her. But this wasn't exactly something I could tell her about; she'd think I was mad. Not that I'd blame her. Merlin, even _I_ was doubting my sanity.

"I know it sounds like I'm insane, Stace – believe me." Shaking my head slowly, I tried to explain, "But there _has_ to be something more – right? I've been having these nightmares – dreams since the moment I returned to this school for our seventh year. There has to be some sort of connection, surely?"

"Not necessarily," she denied slowly, watching me over the table.

"There _has_ to be," I said, adamantly. "If you look closely enough, there's an explanation for everything."

Stacey rolled her eyes and muttered sceptically, "Next thing you know, you're going to tell me that you think this has something to do with those stupid soulmate connections people used to rave about in the 1800s."

Her words had me looking at her contemplatively, "Soulmate connections? What about them?"

"You've finally gone mad." With a sigh, she straightened up in her seat and leaned across the table as she explained, "It was all the rage back in those days; some crazy wizard started the suggestion that repeatedly having the same sort of dreams with the same person in them it means that you're soulmates. Loads of people jumped on board, trying to research into it but it died out of fashion."

"But there's supporting evidence, right?"

" _Apparently_. But I just think the old man had come up with the stupid theory to get the witch he'd been chasing after for years." Reaching out to put a hand on mine, Stacey lowered her voice so no one else would hear and spoke with a voice full of concern, "Maybe you should get a dreamless sleep potion? If you explained to the matron, then she'd give you some."

"I'll think about it," I agreed, just to appease her as I gathered my books. If I hurried to the library, then I'd be able to get as many books as I needed on this soulmate connections rubbish. Not that I believed Lupin to be my soulmate, but I had to investigate every possible connection, didn't I?

"Where are you going?" Stacey asked, watching as I rose to my feet and cast a spell to levitate the books behind me.

"Just to return the books."

I hurried out of the common room before she could ask me another question. Now, where exactly would the books about soulmate magic be stored? Would there even be anything in the library about that sort of magic? Or maybe I could talk to one of the professors about the dreams? What would they have to say?

* * *

By the time the next lesson that I shared with Lupin had come around, I was convinced that soulmate magic had to be the answer. And from my position a few tables behind him, I could see him sat beside Pettigrew as they talked quietly to one another. Stacey sat beside me, paid no attention to the way I was lost in contemplative thought and I was thankful for that. Lupin leaned in closer to Pettigrew, whispering something to his friend.

Soulmates; don't make me laugh. Of all the stupid types of magic there could have been to explain this situation, why did it have to be soulmate magic? There was just no way that Lupin could _possibly_ be my soulmate. Merlin, of all the ridiculous explanations –

My eyes inevitably shifted back to Lupin where he continued to work at the desk, unaware of my eyes watching him. Because honestly, that just wasn't the answer. There was no way that it could be. I had obviously gotten it wrong somewhere and maybe it would be better for me to talk to one of the professors about it? But which one? If I went to my head of house, then Slughorn would probably push for me to go along with the soulmate magic as an answer? Salazar knew the man was a romantic at heart.

Groaning petulantly, I burrowed my head in my hands and pointedly ignored the concerned look Stacey through my way. Letting out a deep breath, I peeked out at Lupin from beneath my fingers. Lupin turned suddenly to the table sat behind him, grinning at Black who had clearly said something funny. Black's girlfriend didn't seem to appreciate whatever he was talking about because she swatted him on the arm.

Forcing my head out of my hands, I made myself look back to the front of the classroom where the professor began to talk to us about the Patronus charm. I was able to focus on the professor long enough for me to hear him tell us to stand in order to practice the charm.

"It's far beyond N.E.W.T. level," our professor warned as we rose to our feet, "but give it your best shot."

Pushing away from the desk with a sigh, I reached into my pocket to withdraw my wand. Once we were all standing, the desks were pushed away towards the edge of the room to clear some space and then we were all practising. No matter how many times I tried to cast the spell, it didn't work and no matter how many different memories I tried to cast the spell with, they didn't seem to be powerful enough either. The most I could muster was some pathetic grey mist.

Growing frustrated, I dropped my arm back to my side and looked around the room to see if anyone had managed to cast the spell. It seemed like very few of my classmates had managed to cast a fully corporeal Patronus, most of them were producing the same mist that I had managed to generate. No matter how badly I tried to convince myself that I was just looking around the classroom because I was curious to see if anyone had managed to cast it, I knew the truth. My eyes settled without a sound onto Lupin as I watched him cast the charm.

And whilst he didn't manage to cast a fully corporeal Patronus, what he did produce was far better than anything any of us had managed to cast. I watched fascinated as a wispy form erupted from the tip of his wand which, whilst not fully formed, was clearly that of a wolf. Storing that knowledge away, I turned to leave the lesson when the bell rang. The tables were returned to their normal positions with a wave of our professor's wand. I gathered my bag, heading out of the classroom with Stacey by my side.

Realising I'd forgotten something, I stopped in my step and looked apologetically to Stacey, "I've forgotten my textbook; go ahead without me. I'll meet you in our next lesson."

"I'll save you a place," she promised with a smile. She walked away from me with a parting wave and I returned it with a smile of my own.

Adjusting my bag on my shoulder, I headed back into the classroom to retrieve my textbook but there was no point. By the time I reached the doorway, a hand was holding my textbook out towards me. My eyes flitted upwards to see who I was supposed to thank but the words died on my lips as surprise coloured my features. Lupin shuffled a little awkwardly on his feet and I cleared my throat, taking the textbook from him.

It was obvious that he wanted to say something to me, so I waited because Salazar knew I wanted to say something to him too. I just didn't have the words. And so, I waited, wondering what it was that he was waiting to say to me. But Merlin, he really did have beautiful eyes.

Clearing my head of those thoughts, I stilled when he reached his hand out as if to touch my side. My breath caught for a moment; during my last dream, it was a spell to the side that had managed to kill me. The spell, a monstrous thing, had ripped my side open and I'd tumbled to the floor.

My eyes flickered towards him, trying to read his intentions but Lupin caught himself halfway through the action. He drew away from me, returning his hand to his side and I swallowed thickly feeling like I'd been trapped in his eyes.

Black, with all the tact he possessed, sidled up to his friend and tapped him on his arm. "Moony?"

Lupin pulled himself out of his daze, looking to his friend, "It's nothing."

I turned away from the pair but not before I heard Yusuf hiss to Black about his lack of sense. Bloody marauders, going around everywhere in groups. And weren't Gryffindors supposed to be brave? If that was the case, then why was he acting like such a coward?

* * *

I was one hundred percent sure that it was Lupin that I was sent to meet in each of my dreams and there had to be some sort of reason that he was the same person in each of them. If it was nothing, then there was no reason for me to continue seeing only Lupin in my dreams, it should have at least been different people? Surely? So, if that was true, then there _had_ to be some sort of connection there.

At first, I had based my ideas off of a simple hunch; his voice. I was certain that I recognised his voice but that could have easily been a mistake. But there was no mistaking his Patronus. No way in hell.

Salazar, last night he had saved me from a bloody dementor attack. What a dementor was doing in the dreamscape, I had no idea – it had just turned up and surrounded me. My wand had been there in my hand and no matter how hard I had tried, I couldn't bring myself to summon up a Patronus. It was just that damn silvery fog that wouldn't take form. And the dementor took the chance, shooting towards me when suddenly a Patronus was sprinting towards me. It was a wolf, there was no mistaking the shape of it. I watched with stunned eyes as the wolf easily fended off the dementor and stood by my side until the dementor left.

The Patronus turned towards me, seemingly reluctant to leave. My eyes softened a little as I extended a cautious hand towards it. It tilted its head slightly, staying patiently in its position and I swallowed nervously. Inching my hand forward, I brushed it gently over the wolf. It was different to what touching a real animal was like; I couldn't feel the heat coming from the animal and it certainly didn't feel like the wispy magic that it was made up of. It felt solid, sturdy and warm. Was that a reflection of its owner too?

I drew my hand away from the Patronus and watched as the wolf ran back across the clearing, towards the wizard that had called it forward. The wolf disappeared back into the tip of Lupin's wand and I looked to the Gryffindor waiting for him to make his move. He stood patiently across the clearing and I decided to gather the courage and make the move myself. But before I could take even a single step towards him, he turned and disappeared back into the forbidden forest, leaving me far behind.

With a sigh, I drew out of my thoughts and looked back to the book that was open in front of me. I had consulted dozens of dream analysis books and apparently the reason I continued to … to die in the dreams was because of his fear and hesitation towards starting anything with me. Merlin, I was getting _far_ too ahead of myself – who even said I wanted to start anything with him in the first place?

"What's got you so worried?" _I knew that voice._

My head snapped up, looking to the Gryffindor that stood in front of my table, waiting for me to acknowledge him. "Lupin."

He looked at the table that was littered with my books and I belatedly realised that he must have wanted to sit down. Clearing the space for him, I watched with cautious eyes as he smiled hesitantly and took a seat across from me.

"Thanks, Khan." He settled his own books onto the table, pointing behind him to another table in the library, "I needed to leave that table, or I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate anymore. I was probably going to hex James."

"Well we don't want that," I murmured slowly, eyes drifting past his shoulder towards the one occupied by Potter and Tan.

The couple were sat side by side and it looked like Potter's girlfriend was actually trying to concentrate. Not that her boyfriend was making it any easier for her. He leaned in closer to her as if to kiss her and Tan abruptly pushed his face away from her making Potter pout.

Lupin cleared his throat, making me look back to him. "Well, what's got you so worried?"

I hesitated for a long moment, not knowing what to say. My first instinct was to declare in annoyance that he knew exactly what was bothering me. But I didn't say that. Instead, I lowered my eyes to my book and murmured, "There's just something that I can't get my head around."

Peeking up at Lupin from under my eyelashes, I waited to see what he would say. Would he continue to talk to me? To ask me if I wanted to talk to him about it? He did nothing but look back to the essay he had fished out of his bag. Turning my eyes back to my book, I let out a sigh and flicked through the book. I _really_ wanted to ask him just what it was that was causing his fear. What was it that was making him so hesitant?

"What is it?" he asked suddenly. My eyebrows rose in surprise as I looked up, expecting to find his eyes on me. Instead, he continued to work on his essay as he added, "Maybe I can help you?"

Keeping my eyes on him, I asked cautiously, "What do you know about soulmate magic?"

His voice was much quieter as he asked, "Does it even exist?"

"I honestly don't know." Biting my bottom lip, I gathered my resolve and decided that it was better to be straightforward. There was no point in beating around the bush. Not for something like this. "They say that sharing dreams –"

He pushed abruptly away from the table. I watched with widened eyes as he gathered his things and prepared to leave. As he retreated out of the library, I watched him go in silence. He knew it was true, I realised with a start. He knew it was true and that was why he was running away from me.

Letting out a deep breath, I looked down to the words I had managed to note down on a scrap of parchment. Fear and hesitation.

 _Fear and hesitation._

But why? Surely it wasn't something as stupid as me being a Slytherin? No, it couldn't have been. Lupin didn't seem like that sort of person to get so hung up over the house I belonged to.

* * *

Once again, I found myself standing in the middle of the Forbidden Forest but why was it always in the middle of the night? This forest was creepy enough anyway, so why was I standing here on the night of a bloody full moon of all nights? There were already those rumours about the types of creatures that roamed the forest on the night of the full moon. I stared up into the night sky for only a moment, glaring at the moon before my feet started to move.

I was walking as if I couldn't control it, and I allowed myself to be guided because I knew where I was going and who I was going to see. But there was a sudden pained cry and my feet slowed slightly, as my heart rate skyrocketed at the sound. Salazar, this better not have been what I thought it was.

Letting out a deep breath, I pulled my wand out of my pocket before pushing my way through the trees and into the clearing. Reaching the forest, I sucked in a sharp breath when my eyes finally settled onto Lupin. My lips parted in shock and I raised a shaking hand to cover my mouth as I watched him … transform right before my eyes. So, this was the reason why he was so hesitant, so fearful about how I would react. But if he was a werewolf, then how long had he been one? Was this the reason he was always in the hospital wing? Not because he and his friends had gotten up to some mischief?

His transformation came to an end and I watched him let out a howl that had me jumping in surprise. My muscles locked into place as he raised his wolfy head suddenly, sniffing the air and I tried to remember anything that I could about werewolves. We'd briefly spoken about them before, but I couldn't seem to remember anything. Werewolves were known to hunt humans, right?

Suddenly his head snapped towards me, rooting me to my spot as fear began to pump through my veins. He sniffed again, stiffening as I was left to wonder about whether the statement that animals could smell fear had any truth. Whimpering sadly, Lupin returned to all fours and I watched as all signs of aggression left him. He took slow steps towards me, growing close enough for me to see his eyes – they were unchanged, and I felt my heart stutter in my chest.

He watched me for a long moment and as I stared into those eyes, all the fear that had filled me slowly left me. How could anyone think that such a gentle man was a monster? Even if he was currently more werewolf then man, he was still the same person. He turned away from me as if to leave and I wondered whether his real transformations were anywhere near as docile as this one was? There must have been a reason that he had all those scars that littered his face.

"Remus," I called out gently, stepping out from between the trees to approach him.

The call of his name had him stilling, turning towards me. He remained rooted to his spot and I hesitated for a moment before swallowing nervously and walking to his side, my hand held out in front of me, so I didn't scare him. I stopped a metre or so away from him, and lifted my hand towards him, watching as he rose onto his hind legs and towered over me. Part of me wanted to stiffen, to turn and flee but I couldn't do that, I refused to fear him. Lifting my hand towards his face, I met his eyes and smiled encouragingly at him. Lowering his head towards my hand, he allowed me to cup his cheek with one hand.

I watched as his eyes fluttered shut for a second and let out a small breath before raising my other hand to the other side of his face. Gently I rubbed my thumbs over his cheeks and watched as his eyes grew heavier. His knees buckled gently, and I followed him, kneeling on the floor beside him.

Settling his head on my knees, Remus fell into a gentle slumber and I watched him transform once again before my eyes. His werewolf form shifted, growing more wolf-like – more like his Patronus and continued to slumber peacefully. My eyes closed, following after Remus.

When I woke up hours later, I realised that I had slept peacefully too thanks to him. Rubbing my eyes to get rid of the remaining sleep, I looked at the calendar on my bedside and bit my bottom lip. Last night really had been a full moon. And that meant that Remus really _was_ a werewolf.

* * *

By the time breakfast had come around, I sat quietly at the Slytherin table and picked at my food. Pushing my eggs around the plate, I tried to listen to the conversation my dormmates shared but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

After the peaceful sleep I had gotten last night, I'd woken up much earlier than any of my dormmates had so I'd dressed quickly and headed off to the library. It had just opened and there was hardly anyone inside, but I headed determinedly inside and marched straight towards the magical beast's section. Pulling every book on werewolves that I could find, I'd read over all the information I could gather, determined to learn more about the affliction that my, well he wasn't my anything really. But I wanted to know what he was going through, to share his pain and give him a shoulder to rely on.

Leaning towards me, Stacey whispered, "What's the matter?"

"It's nothing," I assured her with a smile. "Just thinking."

Because I was just thinking. All I could wonder was how long he'd been going through all the pain of having to transform once a month. Salazar, how had he managed to hide his pain for so long? And behind a smile at that? My search on lycanthropy had even made me search the rules in the wizarding world and Merlin, whilst I had no interest in magical politics I was so tempted to find the person responsible for those backwards laws and deal with them myself. Because werewolves weren't being treated like second class citizens, they were being treated even worse than that.

Looking across the great hall to the Gryffindor table, I searched the table and didn't find the four Gryffindor boys at the table. Normally Potter would have been sat by his girlfriend but instead, it seemed that Black's girlfriend had decided to join Tan at the table. The two girls were sitting together, talking quietly among themselves and I wondered if they knew. Even if they didn't know, surely, they'd know where he was?

Before I realised what I was doing, I stood from my seat and planned on heading to the Gryffindor table. Stacey reached out to take hold of my jumper sleeve, halting me and making me look down at her.

"Where are you going?"

"There's just something I need to deal with," I explained, pulling out of her hold and walking away from the Slytherin table.

It was awkward, walking across the great hall towards the table that I was taught to avoid the moment I stepped into this school. The Gryffindors recognising me as a Slytherin, watched with mild suspicion as I walked down the table towards where Tan and Yusuf were sitting. The two girls ended their conversation halfway, falling silent at the sight of me.

"Can we help you?" Tan asked the first to speak as she looked cautiously towards me.

"Lupin – Remus and his friends," I started hesitantly, "do you know where they are?"

Tan, hesitant to answer me, looked towards Yusuf and the two girls shared a look. So, they _did_ know where he was. But just how much did they know?

Hesitantly I murmured, "There was a full moon last night."

The words carried weight for the pair of them. They looked at me, considering for a long moment and then they were straightening up in their seat. Yusuf cleared her throat and smiled cautiously towards me.

"You'll find them in the hospital wing," the Hufflepuff assured me and I smiled gratefully.

"Thank you." My genuine words surprised the two girls that I hadn't even approached before today.

Before they could say another word, I was walking out of the great hall. Once I was out of the room, I was jogging before I realised it and eventually running towards the hospital wing. The large wooden doors came into sight and I stopped outside them to catch my breath. Gathering myself, I let out a steadying breath before pushing the door open and scanned the room to see if the matron was there. But the older witch was nowhere in sight.

Walking into the room with slow steps, I looked to the four occupied beds at the end of the room and headed straight towards his bed. But I found myself hesitating, eyeing the chair by his bedside. I cast a look at the sleeping boy and decided to settle into the seat and waited for him to wake up. His eyes opened suddenly, clearly not asleep and I watched as surprise coloured his features.

I shuffled awkwardly in my seat before asking quietly, "Why have I never seen that before? It's been over a year and that's more than enough time to –"

He cleared his throat, clearly knowing what I was talking about. Pushing himself up the bed to sit with his back against the pillows, he picked at the bedsheet beneath him. "It's amazing what there are potions for. I headed to Dumbledore the moment I realised what we shared, and he recommended a potion. It, well it suppresses the image from you, so you don't see it."

Frowning at him, I asked, "And did you forget to take it last night?"

Shaking his head slowly, he admitted slowly, "I did it on purpose – to see if you'd still be so interested if you knew the ugly truth. My ugly truth."

I snorted, realising he had a flair for the dramatics. It must have been a side effect of being around Potter and Black for such a long time. Looking him over from head to toe, I made note of the new injuries he'd sustained last night and there didn't seem to be many of them.

"Have you not been looking in the mirror lately?" I asked, shifting to the front of the chair and reaching out to brush his hair from his forehead. "Nothing about you could be ugly."

He was smiling at that, chuckling as he admitted, "What you did last night during the dream – it made me especially docile. I think I slept for the majority of the night."

"I'm glad," I admitted with a gentle smile before hesitating. Biting my bottom lip, I avoided his eyes as I began to speak. "I'm not good at expressing my feelings, I never have been. But I think that this is a situation where I need to." Peeking up at him, I watched as he nodded encouragingly. "I understand your feelings Remus, your fear and hesitation, of not wanting to let me close to you in case something happens to you –"

"More like if something happens to _you_ ," he cut in a frown pulling at his lips.

Reaching out to push the downturned corners of his lips upwards, I assured him, "Well I'm not going anywhere." Shifting closer towards him, I took his hand in mine and smiled teasingly, "Besides, I don't know if you're unaware – but we're kind of _soulmates,_ Lupin."

A groan sounded from around us and I pulled back suddenly. Glancing at the bed behind his, I realised that Black was awake and watching me with bewildered eyes. Remus glanced over his shoulder at his friend and the two shared a grin.

"Can you _not_ have this conversation?" Black complained, "You're making me miss my girlfriend."

"Me too!" Potter piped up on the bed directly across from Remus'. He looked at me with a teasing grin and I turned into Remus with a frown. "Someone go and get my girlfriend for me!"

"I need to get a girlfriend," Pettigrew finally piped up in the bed beside Potter's. He stared up at the ceiling with a frown and loudly contemplated about asking someone to set him up on a date.

"How long have they been awake for?" I whined, burrowing my head in my hands and peeking up at Remus from between my fingers.

He simply laughed, reaching out to run his hand over the back of my head. "You'll get used to it," he promised. "Especially if you're going to be around me for so long."


	2. Epilogue: 8 Years Later

_8 YEARS LATER_

I welcomed each coming weekend with open arms. Weekends meant that I didn't have to go to work and as a result, we were both warranted a lie in. By the time I rolled out of bed and had showered, the sun was high in the sky. Towel drying my hair until it was no longer dripping, I headed into the kitchen and set about making breakfast. Remus followed shortly after me, yawning largely.

Glancing over my shoulder with a smile, I watched as he fought to keep his eyes open. Pouring some coffee into a mug, I held it out for him. He took it with a grateful smile, pressing a kiss to my cheek before drinking his coffee. Leaning against the counter, he watched as I moved around the kitchen.

"Do you want some help?" he asked approaching me and wrapping an arm around me from behind.

Rolling my eyes, I elbowed him to get him to release me. Pointing towards the dining table, I silently ordered him to take a seat and with an affectionate smile, he headed over to the table. But really, he was just as distracting even if he was sitting at the table. I could feel his eyes on me as I worked, and my eyes settled contemplatively onto the newspaper resting on the counter. With a wave of my wand, I sent the newspaper over to him.

Casting a glance over my shoulder, I watched as he picked the newspaper up and began to read from it. Plating up our food, I began to hum quietly as I put the dirty pans in the sink to wash later. Remus cleared his throat, making me fall silent as I approached the table with both of our plates. Setting Remus' plate in front of him, I watched curiously as he seemed to hesitate.

"What is it, Remus?"

"The dream last night," he cut himself off again, looking down to his plate. "What do you think it meant?"

Ever since the pair of us had accepted the soulmate bond and bound ourselves to one another, our shared dreams had become fewer and far between. Thankfully, I didn't die in them anymore because I'd managed to alleviate his fear but on the few occasions where we did share dreams, it was always about something important. Last nights was no doubt, of importance too.

 _The Forbidden Forest was beautiful during the daytime, especially during the summer. The forest floor was littered with colourful flowers and it seemed like magic itself flowed through the very air. Remus and I had fallen asleep only to emerge in a very familiar clearing to find a blanket laid out and waiting for us. We shared a smile, hurrying over to the blanket. The moment I sat down, Remus was lying down with his head in my lap._

 _With the sun shining down on the pair of us, I tilted my head back to enjoy the heat. Carding my fingers through Remus' hair, I looked down at my husband as he smiled with his eyes closed. He caught my hand in his, halting my movements and opened his eyes to look at me with a smile._

 _"What do you think this is about?" he asked quietly, as if not wanting to disrupt the peace. "The last time we shared a dream it had spoiled my surprise proposal."_

 _"You were sulking for days," I said with a fond smile, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead. He chuckled and laughed gently. "You were so dramatic that you would have put Sirius to shame."_

 _"Hardly my fault that I acted like that," he muttered petulantly, "I'd planned for_ _ **months. Months.**_ _All to have it ruined by a bloody dream."_

 _"Well, I said yes anyway." Remus sat up, reaching out to hold my hand in his. "But maybe this dream is just to give us a chance to relax." Pressing a kiss to his cheek, I smiled gently. "Let's not read too much into this. We can just relax for a while."_

 _"Sounds like a plan," he agreed with a smile, casting a curious glance around the clearing when the sound of rustling surrounded us._

 _He reached out to put an arm around me, spine stiffening as he scanned the clearing. The sound drew nearer until two small wolves ran out into the clearing. Remus narrowed his eyes, looking at the small wolves. Nudging him with my elbow, I frowned at him and smiled reassuringly at the approaching wolves._

 _"They're just pups," I hissed, smiling when the bigger of the two pups started to run towards me. "They're hardly going to harm me."_

 _The bigger pup ran straight towards me, curling up into my lap and I held it to my chest with a smile. Remus continued to watch the pup with suspicious eyes until the smaller pup hesitantly came to his side. He reached out slowly, extending a hand towards the pup which ignored his hand to climb into his lap. Remus tried to keep his disapproval on his face, but he wavered when the pup nuzzled into his hand._

 _He eventually laughed, reaching out to pet the wolf pup in my lap. "You must attract wolves."_

Snapping out of my thoughts, I looked back to my husband who remained waiting for an answer to his question. "What do you think it means?"

"Who knows," I said quietly, shrugging as I looked down at my plate.

Remus frowned, thinking deeply as he looked back to his own plate. I watched my husband for a moment longer. I'd tell him – eventually. But first I just needed to see a healer to be sure. And _then_ I could tell him.


End file.
